I’m Just Turned 23 and My Shit is NOT Together


When I was a child, I thought high schoolers had their entire life together. Once I got into high school, I figured by the time I graduated from college, THEN I would have my life together. Well, let me tell you, I’ve graduated, walked out of a job, got a full-time job, and signed a lease and my life is not together.

I am writing this the week after I turned 23 amidst the COVID-19 self-isolation and quarantine is a wild ride. I really thought I didn’t know how to adult and then it hit me so hard this week.

I know each year I tell myself this is the year that I’ll finally figure it all out. And the year passes by and it’s maybe the slightest bit more together but nowhere near where I thought it would be. And that’s no one’s fault than mine and the quick passing of time.

23 seemed so far away, and now I’m living it.

I don’t know how benefits work. Desperately, I need to call a doctor to get my depression medication refilled. Without my meds, I do NOT function well, and that’s on major depressive disorder. So imagine what quarantine would be like off it…. my boyfriend would have as many breakdowns as I would.

Recently, my job sent me information on my 401k. Instead of figuring out how to log in, I have shoved it into my adult files to take care of later. I’m honestly scared to look at it if we are being totally honest.

Since graduation, I have developed a “normal” sleeping schedule. By this I mean if I don’t go to bed before 11 PM, I am riding the struggle bus the next day. Is this what being an adult is like?

What age is my life supposed to seem together?

To all the true adults out there, when did you start feeling like your life was together? Is it just a personal thing that I need to figure out? Is there a 23-year-old out there where you feel like you have your life together?

What does having your life together feel like?

I write in my planner daily making todo lists, pretending like I will get it all done that day. Spoiler alert… I don’t usually. It’s even a professional-looking planner with sections for work, personal projects, finances, and goals. If you were to see me carrying it around you would have the illusion that I know what I’m doing.

Is your life being together cooking food regularly and not thinking McDonald’s sounds good after you cried in your shower because you don’t know what is going on? … Yikes, yup this happened recently. No, I don’t want to talk about it.

When you have your life together, do you still randomly feel like you should dye your hair pink again? Or is that just me having to repeatedly tell myself no?

Overcoming adult impostor syndrome

The more I have been learning about impostor syndrome, the more I learn that it’s very much a millennial/Gen Z issue we are all dealing with. It feels like one of those “fucking mint” TikToks.

This year, these next 12 months in my life, I will be checking off 10 goals. Not going to lie, one of them in finally learning to drive.. yeah we never got to that in high school, thanks mom and dad!!!

While I am awake at 5:51 AM writing this because I could not sleep for the life of me, I laid out 10 goals for myself. These 10 goals are things I have been putting off. Tasks and things that will benefit my life. 10 things that will push me the next step forward.

I’m not going to outline all 10 things for you here because like yikes that’d be embarrassing. But when I finally accomplish then in the next 12 months, you best believe you will know.

So let’s fricking go 23. We’re going to make this year my beotch.

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